In September, I began the journey of finally going to yoga school to be a yoga teacher. It's something I've talked about for years but always had an excuse not to pursue. One of the most positive things that has come out of not being rehired at my job is that I finally didn't have an excuse. I'm able to pay for the training over the entire course of the program (9 months) and I don't have any work obligations (for now). My only barrier at that point was myself. I found the perfect program and I could not be happier with my decision. It's already been a journey of self-discovery and knowledge and I cannot begin to imagine where I will be by May.
One of the requirements for the program is to take a minimum of one class per week at the yoga studio. I went to a class on Wednesday night, expecting it to be with the usual teacher. For whatever reason, my usual teacher was unable to make it and someone was filling in for her. It's funny when things like that happen, isn't it? We tend to be so set on our things. Remember high school? Because I know you got upset if someone sat in your seat. Anyway, I was a little bit bummed since I had never met this teacher and didn't know anything about her teaching style. Life is a funny thing though. It turned out that her class was perfect and fit my needs in that moment. The movement was both energizing and calming and I actually wanted to clap at the end of class. At the beginning of class, she briefly discussed a concept known as ahimsa. Ahimsa is a Sanskrit term and is most commonly defined as nonviolence or not doing harm. What struck me wasn't her discussion of the definition of the term, but what came afterwards: if ahimsa is part of the yoga code of conduct, why do we generally only think of it as not harming others. What about the self?
After class, I grabbed my phone (so zen, right?) and typed this: It is just as important to be nonviolent in how we treat ourselves as it is to be nonviolent in how we treat each other.
Think about that. I know for a fact you're harder on yourself than you should be because I know that I am and my friends are and my parents are and most people I know are. It's easier for us to show restraint with getting angry at someone else than it is to show the same restraint with ourselves. If a friend tells us they just haven't been feeling 100% lately and they've been really unproductive, we tell them it's okay and everyone needs down time sometimes. If we notice that we've been "lazy" or unproductive, we feel like crap because God forbid we just need some down time. We don't give ourselves the same permission. Maybe you've even overreacted to a relationship situation with a significant other. Show of hands? I thought so. If a friend tells you that he/she freaked out over something stupid, you're likely to say, "You know, we all have bad days. You're stressed about things and just lashed out. Go apologize and I'm sure everything will be fine". What happens when we do it? We beat ourselves up. "I'm such a crappy person. I just flipped out over something so stupid because I'm an asshole."
Violence to the self. Unkindness to the self. Treating ourselves poorly. We all do it and we do it well. We get mad at ourselves for forgetting someone's birthday or for waiting until the last minute to do homework. We kick ourselves for having one drink too many and waking up with a killer hangover. We curse our lack of self-control when we eat cookies and break the diet we've so diligently been following.
I'm here to tell you to forgive yourself a little today. Put the violence away and remember that everything we do that we perceive as bad is really just a way for us to learn something about ourselves. We're not perfect and that's a beautiful thing. We get to wake up everyday still not knowing everything and we're still flawed. We have the opportunity to learn and grow everyday. See if you can be less violent with yourself and more forgiving.
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