It's been almost a full month since my last post and for that I truly apologize. It's not that I abandoned the idea of the blog or even that I was too busy with Christmas shopping. I wasn't lazy nor was I too busy Facebook stalking or reading stupid Buzzfeed articles for hours on end. No, my problem was probably even more stupid and something you can all relate to. I simply didn't feel that I had anything to write that would be good enough. So I waited. I waited for that illuminating stroke of genius that hits you while you're on line in Starbucks. It's that moment when you get out of your Starbucks app and into the Notes app so you can type the idea with Speedy Gonzalez fingers before the barista gives you his/her sassy look. I was waiting for THAT moment (maybe minus the sassy look because I can out-sass most people). You know what? That moment never came. I was never roused from my sleep by an amazing and brilliant blog post idea. I kept coming up with half thoughts and even started a couple of drafts but I never finished them and I kept delaying them. I just kept feeling like nothing was good enough or important enough to share in a public setting.
So after 24 days of abandonment, I'm writing something anyway. We've all been there. We've all felt like something we were doing wasn't quite good enough and so maybe we put it off. Perhaps you started a painting and it wasn't going in the direction you intended. Maybe you decided to try that yoga class and when you couldn't even hold Downward Facing Dog for more than two breaths you thought, "Screw Enlightenment, I need a drink". There's nothing wrong with any of these types of scenarios. The problem arises when we actually do abandon something we started or something we may want simply because we feel that we aren't good enough.
The whole comparing ourselves thing starts a pretty damn young age, too. I had some pretty awkward moments growing up. I wasn't too athletic, I wasn't so popular that I had plans 24/7, I knew I wasn't one of the hot girls who all the guys sought after and so I was always comparing myself to others. And you know what? That sucks. It sucks a lot. I didn't have natural athletic abilities and even if I did, they hadn't been honed since I was never involved in sports. My face still looks young and innocent and I honestly didn't even figure out make up until a few years ago (thank God for friends like Heather Wyckoff who taught valuable skills...both make up and life knowledge in general).
I didn't become fully comfortable with who I am until about 2 years ago. Nothing major happened. I didn't have some epiphany while mediating or something awesome and noteworthy. I think I just came to realization that we unfold and become who we're supposed to be in due time. I came to peace with the idea that every experience, positive or negative, that I've had has helped mold who I am and where I am. We aren't meant to be someone else nor are we meant to compare ourselves to others to the point of creating a never ending cycle of disappointment and feelings of inadequacy. We're all different and we're all going to have different accomplishments, goals, views, and successes. Is a little healthy competition good sometimes? Absolutely. I worked hard for my good grades but I'd be lying if I said some of my drive didn't include the desire for a 4.0 or to kick ass on a test.
All I'm saying here is that I put off writing in this blog for almost a month because I didn't feel like anything I had was good enough. My promise to you is to cut the crap because maybe what seems unimportant to me will be helpful or entertaining to you. Don't keep putting things off because you're waiting until you're good enough or waiting until you have the perfect idea or thing to say. It's time to jump in with both feet and go after something you've been pushing away due to lack of confidence. If you fail, send me a message about it. I'm sure I can share with you plenty of failures that I've had. There are always reasons why life happens the way that it does and sitting around waiting for perfect moments to come to you is only going to let opportunities pass by.
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